Just me, trying to find more about me, while finding my way through life and love.
Life or Love or Something like it..
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I put up walls, so i dont get hurt.. yet some how i got hurt. I dont let people love me cause no matter how many walls i put up i get hurt. and at some point I need to really let people know how i feel, so i dont get hurt anymore. I started liking a someone who just doesn’t like me back. But its okay! Or is it okay! Im lost and hurt and dont get how it happened but it did and so the walls will go back up and this time a little higher..
You know when you want to talk someone but you feel like they might being getting mad at you, and you dont want to seem needy or come off to strong but at the same time you like talking to that person. How do you make sure you are not needy or asking to much of the other person?? Okay, so maybe i do over think things.. that only cause it seem that everyone wants something different. and I am not good at picking up want that is..
I always have to wait it out, figure it out on my own, and i found that hard sometime. depending of the person, their mood and my mood. So i guess I just have to let it happen.
keeping secrets is something I am done with.. So my secret is I have a eating disorder, And I am scared of food.. scared what might happened if i get help. Who might I be without it?? I eat or don’t eat.. some how someone gets hurt. Me or my family. Who do i care more about.. Who do i want to get help for? Me or them ? Them or me? there is a big difference and I don’t understand why I have to pick. But here i go, i jump and pray i will land on my two feet.
I am going to this meeting tonight, and I’m not sure why I should go..Part of me wants to go and parts of me wants to stay home and not think about it..I am unsure why i should have to go.. So i can sit there and talk about my issues with food. No thank you.
But I told people and told myself that i wanted help, but now that help is sitting in front of me.. I dont want it.. I want to run away.. and never come back to this place for wanting help!!cause help now scares me,
I am scared !!! scared of being without… I dont know what to do ???
